I have been struggling with writing this post. It's hard to bare one's heart/life in the open, let alone sin! But if I feel led to share with ya'll what's been going on and what God is showing me. But I have to be careful, I don't want to complain or slander anyone or anything!
Back in January a friend mentioned that I needed to forgive my husband. I just smiled and nodded politely. Thinking I have already forgiven him...right?...RIGHT?!? I couldn't get her words out of my head.
As the months have gone by, life has become more stressful, money tighter, more strain put on my marriage, and turning to God asking HIM to show me my shortcomings...my sins. HE has shown me that I indeed DO struggle with forgiving my husband. God directed me to Nancy Leigh Demoss, I have started her book "Choosing Forgiveness" and listening to Revive Our Hearts whenever I get the chance. Through her help I have realized that my unforgiveness has turned into...bitterness.
I am reading, Choosing Forgiveness, by Nancy Leigh Demoss and it has been "eye opening" as well as some radio series on Revive Our Hearts.It's not easy, but I am planning on sharing with you in the near future what I am learning and how God is changing my heart.
But first:
God had been revealing to me and reminding me continually over the past few weeks 3 things:
- Pray, Pray, PRAY! Pour out my heart, go to HIM, pray with out ceasing!
- Do NOT FEAR! Let me say it again, DO NOT FEAR! HE will NOT forsake me!
- Seek HIM out! Study His word, get up early to seek Him, do a Bible study.
I was listening to Healing from Bitterness W/ Yvonne Welsh on Revive Our Hearts, while here in MS...and God stopped me in my tracks. She was sharing how she was always a happy person (reminding me of me), but several years after being married, God revealed to her after a series of events, she had become bitter. A friend confronted her and told her; "You REALLY DON'T know God."
And I thought to my shame...that is ME.
I am so ashamed and I would prefer not to admit it, but I need to, I have become bitter. Which reveals that I don't truly know God. My trials have worn me down, I have lost my joy (which is a sin), and have become bitter.
Lord, I’m not going to make it. I am physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally exhausted. In fact, I really don’t think I’m going to be able to make it to be a mother
.-Yvonne
Wow! That is exactly how I feel!!
As long as we think we can manage, we can handle it, we act as if we don’t need God. We always do need God.
But it’s when we come to the end of our own resources: that’s brokenness. That’s where God’s strength and grace take over. And that’s how God is glorified. -Nancy
God is showing me that HE is giving me/us these trials to sanctify me.
In Isaiah 48:10we are told, “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.”
I am going through the furnace of affliction. I have been saying, “Lord, show me the sin that is in my life.” He is answering that prayer (though is is NOT easy).
God knows just how to get our attention and He knows just what to do to break this will that is inside of us. God was allowing me to go through a time where He was purifying me, where He was breaking me, and where He was truly refining me. -Yvonne
How am I dealing with tackling my joylessness/bitterness?:
- Reading, Choosing Forgiveness.
- Taking the 30 day choosing Gratitude Challenge.
- Getting up early to do the homework that Yvonne's friend gave her:
2. Then confess and list 5 things.
3. Then give thanksgiving for 5 things, write them down.
4. Then comes intercession, list and about 5 things to intercede for someone. 5. Lastly comes supplication (To ask for humbly or earnestly, as by praying.).
6. Take Psalms, look for 5 attributes of God every day. Write them down. After 5 stop reading.
7. Memorize scripture, such as 1 Cor. 10:13, 1 Thes. 5:18.
Why don't you consider joining me! You can even purchase the Choosing Gratitude book, to go along with the challenge.
What about you do need to take one or both of these challenges? We will be starting the 30 Day challenge Monday.
The series with Yvonne, if you would like to listen:
Healing from Bitterness
Healing from Bitterness 2
Healing from Bitterness 3
The series with Yvonne, if you would like to listen:
Healing from Bitterness
Healing from Bitterness 2
Healing from Bitterness 3
For HIS Glory,
