Saturday, December 29, 2012

No source of Income

Good Morning,

It has been a rough night. I didn't sleep much and am exhausted at this moment.

I have so much to share and have been so busy. There has been crazy up and downs to share with you. Moments of worry and moments of joy. Right now we are down. I am scared.

My husband came home early yesterday from his new job (yes, that right NEW job. I have so much to share) and well...informed me that he had been let go!!!

What?!? Say that again??! Yes, that's right we have $2,300 to our name, rent and a car payment that is due and no source of income.

Let me tell you, this is a scary place to be in!

I'll be very honest...I'm scared!! I'm struggling with trusting God. I feel ashamed for struggling with trusting Him. He has shown me over and over again, that he will provide! Why am I having such a hard time with it?

I like to plan and control things. I know that! :( But, God has continually ripped control over many if not all area's of my life. Was it wrong of me to get excited, that we are together as a family, that we where looking to rent a home, and talking of buying one in the near future? No! But I am struggling with not being able to plan our next move!! 

I question why right after Christmas that it happened? If it was before, we could have both tried to get part-time jobs during the Christmas season. We could have taken turns being home with the kids. But then again that is another area of taking matters into my own hands and not relying on God. Did He allow it to happen after Christmas, so that my husband and I will solely have to rely on Him?? 

I think if it didn't happen in the winter, I could see about growing a garden in someone's yard. I could harvest wild herbs for  my natural products on my etsy shop and for my family. Perhaps God has allowed it to happen during the winter, so that I can't and will have to learn to solely rely on Him.

I question, why I haven't sold anything in my shop. I can't expand and add new products if I don't sell any and bring money in! Has God not allowed me to sell anything, so that I will not have that "safety net"? But will solely rely on Him?

I know God is not cruel and would not make things more difficult on purpose  for no reason. So please don't think I am saying that. I just believe He allows things to happen or not happen to teach us to grow and to learn to rely solely on Him and not on ourselves.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

It's unsettling not knowing what's going to happen and where our money is going to come from. But I KNOW it comes from God and He WILL provide for us!

For His glory,

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