Monday, April 16, 2012

Happy 4th Birthday Emma

Happy 4th birthday my Emma, my love.
I miss you more and more everyday!
I want you to know that we think of you daily.
You will never be forgotten!
Perhaps God will restore you to our family.

Your squeals of laughter ring in my heart and mind.
It is so bitter sweet,
Bringing such pain and joy all the time!
Oh, I miss that twinkle in your eye.

Today is Good Friday,
Why didn’t God let this loss pass over us?
We may never know.
I do know that your big sister never stops talking about you.
Grammy Rosemary says hello.

We don’t know what you are doing for your birthday.
What is your theme?
Elmo, tinkerbell, ballerina?
Perhaps you have a new love and passion.

Do you think of us,
And wonder where we may be?
We are here my love,
Waiting for thee!

I can’t believe your 4 all ready!
Where does the time go?
May your birthday be full of love and joy.

Hot chocolate face. :)
For His glory,

Friday, April 13, 2012

Jesus Thank You-Easter

Dakota coloring.

I know this post is VERY late. *smile* But I figure better late then never.

        I had good intentions for Easter this year. I had lots of ideas and wanted to do lots of posts. Life happens though, children have surgeries, momma’s don’t get sleep, school work needs to be taught…and posts get pushed to the side…so do my Easter plans.

            Last year I did a Passover meal with the kids and we washed each other’s feet. I had wanted to do it again this year. It didn’t happen. I also wanted to read the verses for each day from Palm Sunday through Easter. Once again I failed. My husband read to them some over the computer. Overall we didn’t get a chance to do most things though.

Easter Eve, aka the night before Easter (hmm..I think I just made a new term. *wink*). I came up with the idea to do a Resurrection hunt with the girls in the morning. All thanks to the post I was reading from Doorpost. I LOVE them by the way. *smile* Here’s the link to their post:  I only did the Resurrection hunt for older kids. Since my 7 year old would only understand (the other 2 are too young). Basically you take verses about Jesus, His death and resurrection. Highlight a particular word or two as the hints. Eventually it led them to their Easter gifts (I found chocolate crosses at the dollar store! Yippy! Plus a movie about William Tynsdale).  I didn’t use all the verses. I was too tired and didn’t want them outside in the morning (it was suppose to rain). They had a blast!! Lord willing we will do this again next year and perhaps the younger children’s activity. I love that it helps bring the focus back to Christ. He is our treasure!!

Naomi doing a cookie dance (she's eating an Easter cookie.) :)

Some verses from our Resurrection hunt.

I was not able to due the Cedar meal on Good Friday. BUT, I was able to do the Passover meal steps, while my parents and younger sister where here for Easter. My mom was very thoughtful and purchased some Lebanese food and brought it over Sunday. Yeah, no cooking!! *smile* Plus, it unintentionally gave us lamb for our Cedar meal.

Preparing the Passover.

I used a difference source this year for all the steps. I used an article from Focus on the Family. Next year I hope to be more prepared and have my husband with us to do the Passover meal. It was special doing each of the steps and comparing the Israelites flee from Egypt to our rescue from sin.

I am always amazed at the fact that our God loves us sooooo much that He was willing to send His only son, to die for OUR sins. His death felt and covered ALL of our sins. It’s just amazing to stop and think EVERYONE’S sin then, since then, and future sins (He knows them all) have been covered!! THANK YOU Jesus!!!East

What are some things you do for Easter to bring the focus back to Christ?

For HIS glory,

Monday, April 9, 2012

After Surgery

Sleeping after surgery.

The surgery is done! Praise the Lord! It was suppose to only take a ½ hour…it took 1 ½ hours!! I was getting really nervous, so my husband and mother in-law prayed with me over the phone and two minutes later the doctor showed up. *smile* The Lord is so good! It took that long because they had a very hard time getting an I.V. into him (evidence of all the red pricks covering his hands).

These two verses came to mind when God so graciously answered our prayer quickly:

Now we know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does His will, He hears him. John 9:31
Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3

            Seeing him in the recovery pod for the first time was shocking and nerve rattling. It’s a big room with rows of beds and curtains dividing each bed. There was a flurry of nurses working on getting him settled. One nurse was holding him and he looked completely freaked out (which is so hard to watch with my little baby). I know it was because he was still drugged up, but it was startling. I snuggled with him and got him calmed down. Amazingly he we didn’t cry, they said babies usually scream and cry. He is such a little trooper!

God is so gracious and had Josiah sleep for the most part. I am so thankful; they said he would be cranky. He was only fussy for about a ½ hour after got to the room, but he was hungry. The poor little man hadn’t eaten since 2am!! He fell back asleep after eating. *smile*

I have to share with you how merciful and generous God was (of course He always is), originally we had a roommate and to my worry it wasn’t another baby, but a mom and her son (if it was another baby, then the parent would be in the same boat, with a crying baby). I knew it would be a stressful and long night if Josiah cried a lot and bothered them and kept them up. Well, the women didn’t like sharing the room with us, she kept complaining to the nurse. Wait! I must interject and state that we where there only about a ½ hour!! The nurses where getting us settled in and he woke, was hungry, and there for a little fussy (he was NOT outright crying, just fussing) and then fell back asleep. She wouldn’t leave them alone, so as soon as there was another room available they were moved! Ha! I win! *laugh* (BUT, I also must admit that my pride was wounded and offended that she wanted to move, which was wrong and had to ask God for forgiveness.) We had the room to our self and when he was up during the night I was the only one disturbed!! Praise the Lord! Isn’t it wonderful and amazing that God cares about the little things, such as a momma worrying about disturbing someone else?!

Sing praises to the Lord, who dwells in Zion! Declare His deeds among the people. Psalm 9:11

I’m just going to say it…I struggle with patience! I wish I was more like my husband and patient! I have decided that God is using my hospital visits to teach me patience. *smile* We have had many hospital visits within this past year; between our miscarriage, our oldest getting lyme disease and being hospitalized, my appendicitis, ultimately being put on bed rest in the hospital while pregnant, Josiah’s 4 months in the NICU, and lastly his surgery. Whew! That’s a lot! And to think there will be more surgeries. *smile*

            If you have ever spent anytime in a hospital you will know what I mean when I say that people are ALWAYS coming in!! Between doctors checking in; people cleaning; food being delivered; if you have a roommate, everyone that comes in for them; and the nurses constantly taking vitals. You CAN’T get any rest!! I’m going to tell you a secret….when I don’t get enough sleep I get cranky and impatient! Did I say that out loud?! *smile* Wait…I’m not the only one?? I’m so glad to know that! BUT, that doesn’t make it OK!

            God is a patient god and we are to always be working towards becoming more and more like Him. “But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.”  Tim. 6:11 “Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into patience of Christ.” 2 Thess. 3:5 What is one of the fruits of the Spirit? Patience! (Gal. 5:22)  God doesn’t say, “be patient, unless your tired then forget it.” He tells us to have patience within our trials (2 Thess. 1:4, 2 Cor. 6:4, James 1:3, etc.) and that our trials produce patience (James 1:4).

I had to remember that when the nurse comes in and it wakes me (or the child I am with) that she/he is not intentionally (well, I hope not *wink*) trying to wake us. He/she is just trying to do their job and am thankful they care and are keeping an eye on things. I would catch myself feeling “snippy” and would stop and ask myself if I was reflecting God within my thoughts, attitude, and actions.

What the latham device looks like from the outside.

For His glory, 

Friday, April 6, 2012

O Sacred Head Now Wounded

  1. O sacred Head, now wounded,
    With grief and shame weighed down,
    Now scornfully surrounded
    With thorns, Thine only crown
    How pale thou art with anguish,
    with sore abuse and scorn!
    How doth Thy visage languish
    which once was bright as morn!

    What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered,
    T'was all for sinners' gain;
    Mine, mine was the transgression,
    But Thine the deadly pain.

    Lo, here I fall, my Savior!
    'Tis I deserve Thy place;
    Look on me with Thy favor,
    Vouchsafe to me Thy grace.

    What language shall I borrow
    To thank Thee, dearest friend,
    For this Thy dying sorrow,
    Thy pity without end?
    O make me Thine forever,
    And should I fainting be,
    Lord, let me never, never
    Outlive my love for Thee. 

    O, I love You, I love You, I love YOU.

 I love this song and thought it was appropriate with Easter coming up. Have a wonderful Good Friday!

What songs do you enjoy and remind you to meditate on Christ?

For HIS glory,

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Some days

Some days can feel so overwhelleming and I struggle with wanting to question God. Today is one of those days….

            Shortly after waking up I wrenched my neck so bad that it hurts to move it and it’s making me feel nauseous. Naomi wanted me to tickle her and she was climbing all over me and it hurt so much and wanted to weep. More so my heart was breaking that I couldn’t play and snuggle with her.

            A friend was going to take the girls for me today. She called…her kids are sick!

            Josiah woke up with a drenched bed. I had to strip his bed and give him a bath (which he hates). The problem is his bed is elevated due to his reflux. He has a special sling thing that holds him in, so he doesn’t roll down the bed and it keeps his head elevated. I only have one and well…the washing machine isn’t working properly AGAIN and it’s still not washed or dried. He doesn’t nap well when he’s not in his bed = cranky baby. No nap = no nap for momma!

         I took some hard core meds left over from my c-section for the pain. I reacted and had felt drunk and couldn’t even walk straight. I called my husband in tears and he demanded (very sweetly) that I immediately eat. AH…that did the trick! But now I feel sooooo tired, my legs are jiggily and the pain is back. *Sigh.*

        Naomi is getting into everything and making a mess.

        Josiah loves his pacifier. Due to the Latham device he is in pain. He sucks, and then cries. Sucks, and then cries, mommas crying too. I want to take his pain away and can’t.

         I’m worried, he has been gagging when I try and feed him through his habermen feeder, now he won’t take the pacifier. What if he gets an inversion to eating. That is a problem, they (the medical world) wants to avoid. It won’t be good or easy if he develops one.

          I got a bunch of messages from Dakota’s father. (He has been against homeschooling but is giving me a chance to prove to him that she can get a great education.) He’s worried again and wants to talk. *dread!!*

Agh it’s not even noon yet!!

This place is trying to break my belief.
But my faith is bigger then all I can see.
What I need is redemption.
And what I need is for You to put me back on my feet.
I swear I’m trying to give everything!
But I feel I’m falling…
What I need is resurrection.
What I need is for You to put me back on my feet.
If I could feel Your shine of perpetual light.
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight.
What I need is for You to be the thing I need.
God I need a savior to come rescue me!
(David Crowder band. Let me feel You shine)

God is faithful and reminds me He is here and cares!

       -   My mom has Dakota and is taking her to the Christian film festival to see some movies.

       -   Naomi is napping.

        -  A coupon came in the mail for Josiah’s special formula.

        -  I got information from a local group for parents with kids with special needs. Someone actually took the time to mark the page in one of the booklets for FREE books I could borrow on Josiah’s condition! I WEPT seeing that. Someone cares and took the time to help me!

     -   My friend is going to take Dakota to church on Sunday and go grocery shopping for me.

      -  That same friend made some frozen meals and now we have lunch and dinner today.

To some people these may seem insignificant blessings. But to me, a tired momma, it’s huge! *smile*

Please remember that blessing people and showing Christ’s love can be in the “small” things. Such as marking a page! *wink*

"Therefore my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord." !Cor. `5-58

In what ways have you been blessed by or have blessed others?

For His glory,

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Latham Surgery

Josiah in his hospital gown, before surgery.

As I write this I am so tired! I can barely keep my eyes open. I am sitting here in the family waiting area at Children’s Hospital in Boston, waiting for Josiah to get out of surgery.

Praise the Lord we made it safely and I remembered to give him all his meds! Hooray! Talk about trying to stress a momma out. They told me he would have to have five doses of his inhaler for today to help his lungs not freak out in reaction to the anesthesia. This morning they told me he could still react. Plus he suffers from nasty acid reflux, due to the g-tube. It’s not acid reflux like you or I would get. It comes out his nose and mouth and I have a hospital grade suction machine. You literally stick a tube done his nose. Not fun! The anesthesia could cause him to have reflux and he could aspirate. So, yeah just a little scary! *smile*

A friend reminded me of a verse that helps her when her son s dealing with his medical issues. “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3 I thank God for the perfect peace. He has given it to me time and time again through my pregnancy and trials with Josiah. I wouldn’t make it without God’s peace!

Josiah is having a Latham device inserted into the roof of his mouth (first of many surgeries for his cleft palate and lip). It will be in for six LONG weeks. They said he will be cranky and in pain. At times I feel like I can’t handle another thing “thrown” at me, such as, right now. I am so tired, how am I going to handle a cranky baby, house, homeschooling and two more children. God always amazes me with HIS strength and grace that carries me through.

I have no idea how anyone who doesn’t rely on God survives. Between the worry, stress and exhaustion, I wouldn’t make it without God! I am so physically and emotionally drained. Plus, I found out I’m in for a LONG night here at the hospital. I thought he would sleep from the meds all night. Perhaps God will be merciful and allow him and me to sleep. Even if He doesn’t I know that God knows best and He will carry me through.

God tells us (even in this new trial) that we are to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. Nut let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4  

I am thankful that God allowed Josiah to live! I am thankful for his strength and grace! I’m thankful, because it could be a lot worse!

Driving in this morning once again through one of my kids songs God reminded me that Josiah is in the best hands possible….his LORD and Creator!

HE has the whole world in His hands

He’s got the little bitty baby in His hands.

He has Josiah (and me and you) in HIS hands!! There is NO better place to be!

What about you? What are you struggling with? Don’t forget to lay it at the feet of the cross. He will lift you up and carry you through it!

For His glory,
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