Thursday, April 5, 2012

Some days

Some days can feel so overwhelleming and I struggle with wanting to question God. Today is one of those days….

            Shortly after waking up I wrenched my neck so bad that it hurts to move it and it’s making me feel nauseous. Naomi wanted me to tickle her and she was climbing all over me and it hurt so much and wanted to weep. More so my heart was breaking that I couldn’t play and snuggle with her.

            A friend was going to take the girls for me today. She called…her kids are sick!

            Josiah woke up with a drenched bed. I had to strip his bed and give him a bath (which he hates). The problem is his bed is elevated due to his reflux. He has a special sling thing that holds him in, so he doesn’t roll down the bed and it keeps his head elevated. I only have one and well…the washing machine isn’t working properly AGAIN and it’s still not washed or dried. He doesn’t nap well when he’s not in his bed = cranky baby. No nap = no nap for momma!

         I took some hard core meds left over from my c-section for the pain. I reacted and had felt drunk and couldn’t even walk straight. I called my husband in tears and he demanded (very sweetly) that I immediately eat. AH…that did the trick! But now I feel sooooo tired, my legs are jiggily and the pain is back. *Sigh.*

        Naomi is getting into everything and making a mess.

        Josiah loves his pacifier. Due to the Latham device he is in pain. He sucks, and then cries. Sucks, and then cries, mommas crying too. I want to take his pain away and can’t.

         I’m worried, he has been gagging when I try and feed him through his habermen feeder, now he won’t take the pacifier. What if he gets an inversion to eating. That is a problem, they (the medical world) wants to avoid. It won’t be good or easy if he develops one.

          I got a bunch of messages from Dakota’s father. (He has been against homeschooling but is giving me a chance to prove to him that she can get a great education.) He’s worried again and wants to talk. *dread!!*

Agh it’s not even noon yet!!

This place is trying to break my belief.
But my faith is bigger then all I can see.
What I need is redemption.
And what I need is for You to put me back on my feet.
I swear I’m trying to give everything!
But I feel I’m falling…
What I need is resurrection.
What I need is for You to put me back on my feet.
If I could feel Your shine of perpetual light.
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight.
What I need is for You to be the thing I need.
God I need a savior to come rescue me!
(David Crowder band. Let me feel You shine)

God is faithful and reminds me He is here and cares!

       -   My mom has Dakota and is taking her to the Christian film festival to see some movies.

       -   Naomi is napping.

        -  A coupon came in the mail for Josiah’s special formula.

        -  I got information from a local group for parents with kids with special needs. Someone actually took the time to mark the page in one of the booklets for FREE books I could borrow on Josiah’s condition! I WEPT seeing that. Someone cares and took the time to help me!

     -   My friend is going to take Dakota to church on Sunday and go grocery shopping for me.

      -  That same friend made some frozen meals and now we have lunch and dinner today.

To some people these may seem insignificant blessings. But to me, a tired momma, it’s huge! *smile*

Please remember that blessing people and showing Christ’s love can be in the “small” things. Such as marking a page! *wink*

"Therefore my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord." !Cor. `5-58

In what ways have you been blessed by or have blessed others?

For His glory,
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